All's Fun with Love and Orbs
by lrritable-vowel-types
Summary: The Amazoness Quartet hatch a plan to turn the Dead Moon Circus's Tunnel of Love to a Tunnel of Hate. Can Usagi and Mamoru's relationship survive the bumpy ride? Written as part of the Sex Pollen: 4 Writers 1 Trope Challenge.


Several months ago I was asked if I would be interested in participating in a fic challenge, in which multiple writers write fics based on the same trope. The trope chosen: _sex pollen_. Now, I have to admit that this is not a trope that sparked a flood of inspiration in me. But eventually I settled on an idea that worked for me, and I hope works for you, too! I did have a lot of fun with this, especially since it was my first time playing with the Amazoness Quartet. Be sure to check out the other stories in the challenge by Antigone2, FloraOne, and UglyGreenJacket.

Enjoy!

* * *

"Ugh, those damn Sailor Senshi!" Ves-Ves fumed as she pulled her whip taut in her hands. "I can't believe they defeated our minions so easily!"

It was opening night of the Dead Moon Circus, and the four sisters of the Amazoness Quartet were, for lack of a better word, pissed. Not only had Palla-Palla's enchanted house of mirrors failed to kill Sailor Mars as planned, the other senshi managed to escape the big top with their minds fully intact, somehow escaping the fate of the rest of the circus's audience, who had all been successfully hypnotized by the quartet's acts.

"They're meanies and stupid-heads and Palla-Palla doesn't like them!" Palla-Palla pouted.

Jun-Jun sat on the floor brooding. "Too bad if we tried taking 'em on one-on-one we'd get our asses handed to us."

"Indeed, sister," Cere-Cere said, "a direct frontal assault would mean our destruction."

"So what are we gonna do?" Jun-Jun asked, crossing her arms. "If we don't take 'em out, the hag will be all over us."

Cere-Cere nodded as a smile spreading across her face. "We must be meticulous with our plans, but that doesn't mean we can't have fun while doing it. After all, we finally have a sliver of freedom, so we should take full advantage."

"What do you have in mind, Cere-Cere?" Ves-Ves asked. "We already have the Lemures hard at work spreading nightmares."

"Spoiling the dreams of Earth's denizens is essential to our queen's plans, but what I have in mind will make their waking moments just as miserable."

Palla-Palla giggled and clapped her hands. "Tell Palla-Palla more!"

Cere-Cere smiled. "Did any of you notice the abundance of loving couples that flocked to our circus today?"

"Ugh, yes!" Jun-Jun said, sticking out her tongue. "All that mushy shit made me want to barf."

"I was thinking," Cere-Cere continued, "what do you suppose would happen if we were able to turn that love . . . to hate?"

Jun-Jun cackled in delight. "Seriously? Count me in!"

"Me too!" Ves-Ves said. "No way I would miss this."

"And you, Palla-Palla?" Cere-Cere asked.

"Palla-Palla has the perfect toy for this game," she said as devious grin spread across her face. "Orb Contraire!" she called out, conjuring a bright blue ball between her hands.

"Perfection," Cere-Cere said as they all gathered around the faintly glowing orb. "Now sisters, let's play."

* * *

The circus was in town, and the fact that it was merely a (very obvious) cover for their latest enemy did little to dampen Usagi's whole-hearted enthusiasm for it. Between the circus acts, carnival rides, and incredible food, Usagi felt like she was in a waking dreamland.

Though the senshi had attended the circus the previous day for its grand opening, they had all decided to return in order to do further reconnaissance. Ami had a theory that the Dead Moon Circus was hypnotizing people with electricma . . . electromog . . . eclecticmarg . . . well, Usagi wasn't _completely_ sure what Ami had said, but it sounded bad.

To save time, they had agreed to split into groups. Ami and Rei would return to the big top to run analytics on the show, Minako and Makoto would scope out the vendors to see if any of the goods looked suspicious, while Usagi and Mamoru would head to the amusement park to look for adverse affects any rides might be having. They headed their separate ways with a promise to regroup at the entrance a few hours later, using their communicators in case of emergency.

Usagi and Mamoru spent the afternoon making the rounds and riding the rides (some—such as the teacups and the merry-go-round—they rode twice, after Usagi insisted they hadn't investigated them properly the first time; the bumper cars, on the other hand, were deemed safe and vacated as soon as Usagi had been rescued from the corner she had somehow trapped herself in), but they failed to find anything out of the ordinary. They even ran into Naru and Umino and shared a ride around the Ferris wheel with them (the normal, relaxing kind of Ferris wheel, not the terrifying kind that spins upside down and makes certain people spill their soda all over themselves), enjoying a bird's-eye view of the circus, ooh-ing and ahh-ing at the brightly colored whirling, swirling, zigzagging, and loop-the-looping action surrounding them.

The hours passed as they explored, looking for signs of trouble, yet all around them, everyone seemed to be acting perfectly normally—the only screams to be heard were from the people strapped into the various rides. For all intents and purposes, it seemed to be nothing more than an average amusement park.

"We have 20 minutes before we have to meet the others," Mamoru told Usagi as she licked the triple scoop ice cream cone he had just bought her. "Should we start heading back now?"

She nodded, happily taking the crook of his arm as they wove through the fairgoers, until a woman's voice caught their attention above the din of the crowd.

"Lovebirds, sweethearts, paramours—Dead Moon Circus's brand-new attraction was tailor-made just for you!" A young carnival barker with pastel pink hair in a style even weirder than Chibi-Usa's stood next to the entrance of a ride they hadn't noticed before, beckoning to the couples among the crowd. "Step right this way to enjoy the enchanting Tunnel of Love! Just one five-minute boat ride along our charming cavern is all it takes to explore the depths of your relationship!"

"Mamo-chan, Mamo-chan, look!" Usagi yelled, dragging him toward the ride. It was enormous—a rocky structure resembling a miniature mountain more than an amusement park ride. The majority of the ride was concealed inside the fake mountain, while a marquee covered in garishly bright neon hearts proudly displayed its name.

"Tunnel of Love? How did we manage to miss this when we came in?" Mamoru wondered aloud.

A few couples were already standing in line. As Mamoru and Usagi watched, a small swan-shaped boat that could snugly seat two floated along a fake river of bright blue water up to a dock at the front of the line, where an attendant helped the next couple in line to board. After they were safely seated, the boat continued on its journey, whisking them through a set of heart-shaped doors and into the dimly lit tunnel.

The pink-haired woman noticed them staring. "You there!" she called. "You look like the perfect couple for this ride. Are you ready to find out how deep your love _really_ flows?"

Usagi gasped, tightening her grip on Mamoru's arm. "We _have_ to ride it! Doesn't it look romantic, Mamo-chan? Can we go on it _pleeeeease_?"

He sighed, looking at his watch. "Well, I suppose, as long as the line isn't too slow."

"I'm gonna tell Naru about this!" she said, getting her phone out and quickly tapping out a message as they got in line. "I bet she and Umino would love it!"

Overhearing her, the pink-haired carnival worker grinned. "Nothing would thrill us more than if every couple in Tokyo partook of this ride. The more in love the couple, the more effective it is!"

Usagi squealed, more excited than ever as the line steadily advanced. Soon it was their turn, and, after giving the attendant the necessary tickets, Usagi handed what was left of her ice cream cone to Mamoru before scrabbling into their very own swan-shaped boat. He handed it back to her as soon as she was seated and settled beside her.

"Enjoy your ride," the attendant told them as the boat started moving.

"Oooh, isn't this cozy?" Usagi said as she wiggled beside him, looping her free arm through the crook of his arm.

Then, they were through the heart-shaped doors, and plunged into a cavern dimly lit with pink lights hidden among the fake stalactites dripping from the ceiling. The occasional red, heart-shaped boulder could be spotted on the rocky walls, and Celine Dion's passionate voice poured from concealed speakers, singing how her heart would go on and on.

Usagi squealed loudly, tightening her grip on Mamoru's arm. "Oh my gosh, I looooove this song!"

A faint grimace crossed his face. "Yeah . . . it's uh . . . certainly popular."

As they drifted along, Usagi humming along with the melody, they could see a brighter light ahead. Turning a slight bend, the cavern melted away on one side to reveal a bucolic scene of rolling grassy hills and perfectly placed trees, shrubs, and boulders. At the center was a couple, the woman in repose on the ground, a strategically placed cloth draped across her nude hips, her arms reaching up to encircle the head of her lover, who was embracing her from behind. A pair of angelic wings that sprouted from the man's back were lazily opening and closing as he bent slowly down to kiss her then drew back, locked in an animatronic loop of love.

"Ooooh! How beautiful!" Usagi said. "Is he an angel?"

"I believe," Mamoru said, "that this is Cupid and Psyche. This seems to be a recreation of a famous sculpture done by Canova, showing Cupid rousing his beloved Psyche from a deathlike sleep."

Usagi turned to marvel at her boyfriend. "You're so smart, Mamo-chan!"

Mamoru smiled at her compliment, then continued, "The original sculpture was meant to be viewed from all angles, so if they did it properly there should be a jar behind her that had held the Sleep of the Innermost Darkness, which she opened mistakenly thinking it contained the Treasure of Divine Beauty."

"Really?" Usagi leaned over Mamoru to get a closer look as they drifted past. "I don't know if I can see—"

"Ack!" he yelped.

"What?" she asked, falling back into her seat. "What happened?"

"Your ice cream!" he said through gritted teeth, attempting to rid his lap of the the half-melted scoop of chocolate ice cream that was soaking through his pants.

Looking down at the now-empty ice cream cone still gripped in her right hand, Usagi cringed. "Oops! Sorry, Mamo-chan! Hold on, I think I have some napkins in my purse . . ." She handed him the ice cream cone and tugged her purse open, digging around in the rapidly dimming light. "Ah ha!" she said, triumphantly lifting a ball of wadded up napkins and handing it to him.

"Thanks." He handed the cone back to her and stood, trying to wipe as much of the melted ice cream from his lap as he could as Usagi munched on the empty cone. "I think that's as good as it's going to get," he said, sitting down with a sigh, his light yellow pants now sporting a large brown splotch on the crotch.

"Mamo-chan, Mamo-chan, look!" Usagi said, gazing in awe at the tiny lights that now dotted the cave's ceiling like a field of stars.

As they rounded another bend in the tunnel, a spectacular celestial scene was revealed. A couple in ancient Japanese costumes—her in pink and him in blue—reached for each other across a river of stars, the background illuminated like an ethereal paradise. A loom covered in gorgeous cloth hovered behind the woman, the beater slowly moving up and down along the warp yarn, while a herd of wide-eyed cows milled about behind the man.

"It's Orihime and Hikoboshi! Like from the Tanabata Festival!" she shouted in excitement as she repeatedly hit Mamoru's arm, her voice amplified by the tunnel. "Look! Isn't it pretty?! And there's her loom! And oh my gooooooosh his cows! Aren't they cute?!"

"Yes, I see them. And could you not shout in my ear, please?" he said, smacking her hand away. "Do you always have to be so loud?"

"I'm just excited, Mamo-chan," Usagi pouted. "You don't usually mind."

Mamoru shifted uncomfortably. "We're not usually in an echoey cave either, Usa. You could be a little more considerate."

"Geez, sorry Mr. Grumpy," she said. "I just think it's pretty."

"It _is_ pretty, Usa," he acknowledged, "just take it down several notches, OK?"

"Fine, whatever."

They sat in silence as their boat drifted past the rest of the Tanabata scene and back into the dim tunnel. Mamoru sighed in relief as Celine Dion's voice faded with the ending strain of "My Heart Will Go On," but after a moment of silence, the unmistakable sound of a penny whistle playing the same song's opening melody made him grip the side of the boat in dread.

"Awww," Usagi said, snuggling into him, "aren't we lucky? We get to listen to it again!"

Turning the next bend, they were transported to an ancient Egyptian palace, where a beautiful olive-skinned woman in an Egyptian headdress and a man in a red cloak and shining Roman breastplate were embracing as nearby servants fanned them.

"Oooh, who are they, Mamo-chan?" Usagi asked, angling closer to him to get a better look at the tableau.

"I believe they are Queen Cleopatra and Mark Antony," he said as Usagi continued to lean over him.

"Wouldn't it be nice to get fanned like that?" she said, then giggled. "I wonder what the girls would do if I made them do that to us . . ."

"I'm sure that would go over well," he said, his voice dripping in sarcasm. "And could you sit down? You're rocking the boat."

She sat with a thump, a slight pout on her face. "You know, we've been on this romantic ride and all you've done is complain. I bet everyone else on this ride is totally making out and you haven't even tried to kiss me at all or even hold my hand."

"Maybe I would if you hadn't been eating junk food all day."

"Excuse me?" she said, immediately unlooping her arm from around his. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that, because you eat with all the delicacy of a 5-year-old, your hands and face are covered in sugar, Usa."

She frowned, looking at his profile as they floated past Egypt and back into the dim tunnel. "I thought you liked my sweet kisses."

He sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I _do_ but not to the point when you're so sticky that my lips are glued to yours."

"'So sticky that my lips are glued to yours,'" she echoed. "You know what? I think Minako might be right about you."

His head turned to hers with a quick jerk. "What do you mean? Minako's right about what?"

"Oh, just that you have problems with intimacy or something. I don't really remember exactly what she said to be honest."

He gaped at her, his mouth opening and closing, though no sound was coming out.

"Oh look!" she said as they rounded the next bend and were presented with an Arabian display. "It's Aladdin and Jasmine!"

Snapped from his stupor, he scoffed. "Usa, that is _clearly_ Scheherazade and King Shahryar."

"No, it's Aladdin and Jasmine," she insisted. "There's the genie's lamp beside them and everything!"

He sighed loudly. "The lamp is _lit_ , Usa, there's no genie in it. Look, you can see Scheherazade's characters coming to life in the background as she tells the king her stories. There's Ali Baba, there's Sinbad the Sailor, and _there_ ," he said, pointing to a young man in Chinese garb holding a lamp, "is Aladdin."

She crossed her arms. "Oh yeah? If that's Aladdin, why does he look like that?"

"Because," he said, turning to her, "if you bothered to read the real story like I did you would know that it was set in China and Jasmine was just made up by Disney!"

"Oh excuuuuuse me," she said as she waved her hands. "I forgot I was talking to a genius who is soooo much smarter than me and loves nothing more than to nitpick and correct me every chance he gets."

"I'm just telling you the facts."

"Because it's so important to be right about everything, even a fake couple on a boat ride, right?" she said, his face turning away as her point struck home. "Why couldn't you just let it go? Why couldn't you just let me believe it's Aladdin and Jasmine? Why is it so important that you correct me?"

"Because, it's not them," he muttered.

"So what, Mamo-chan?"

He sat in stony silence for a few moments as they continued to float along the darkened tunnel. "You know what, I think I'm ready to get off of this tacky ride."

"This ride is beautiful, Mamo-chan. You're just a humorless grump who can't have fun."

Turning to her, he narrowed his eyes. "It's _tacky_ , Usa, full of cliched tropes," he said as they rounded another bend and the next scene came to view. It was Romeo and Juliet's famous balcony scene, and nearly every inch of the scenery was covered in plump, red roses.

Usagi's shrieking laughter echoed throughout the cavern. "Roses?" she said, pressing against him. "Now _this_ is tacky."

"Hey, could you give me some room please?" he said, nuding her off with his shoulder.

" _You_ need room?" she scoffed. "You're taking up three fourths of the freaking boat, Mr. Manspreader!"

"Manspreader?!"

She wordlessly pointed to their legs—hers folded all the way to one side while his were spread across the majority of the boat—easily making her point.

"I have long legs, Usa!" he said, his face reddening. "And this is a natural physiological position for men to sit in! We have . . . equipment that gets in the way, OK?"

"You mean your testicles?" she chided as he turned redder. "I know you think I'm a child, but I do have friends who talk to me like a big girl."

"Well, good for you."

"You know what? I think _you're_ the one who needs to move over, Mamo-chan," she said, shoving his hip with hers, causing the boat to sway.

"I'm _bigger_ , Usa, I need more room!" he said, then forcefully scooted back to where he had been.

"You don't need the whole _boat_ ," she said, bracing herself against the boat before using her hip and shoulder to shove him over.

He grabbed the side of the boat as it rocked, agitated waves of water managing to slosh over the side.

"Stop _shoving_ me!" he said, pushing her.

"Get _off_ of me!" she yelled, ramming him back.

They jostled back and forth, the boat rocking more with each shove, until there came a literal tipping point, which sent one of the occupants tumbling into the river's electric blue water.

Mamoru gasped in shock, gaping up from the frigid, shallow water as Usagi laughed uproariously from her perch in the boat.

"How do you like that moon justice, Mamo-chan?" she heckled as the boat drifted on, indifferently leaving him behind.

He stood and looked down at his soaking body—only his upper torso and head were spared from the watery punishment.

"Look at my pants!" he yelled after her.

Usagi laughed to see the delicate yellow of his slacks now dyed a putrid green from the tunnel's water. "Hey, look on the bright side—no one will notice the ice cream stain now! And who wears yellow pants anyway?"

He angrily strode as fast as he could in the knee-high water after the boat as it ambled along on its track, the exit to the tunnel now clearly in sight. "These are _designer_ , Usa!"

Enjoying having the whole boat to herself, she leaned back in the seat, crossing her arms behind her head and perching her feet on the swan's neck. "That just means you paid more to look stupid!"

She sighed happily as the boat finally exited the tunnel, coming to a stop at a dock concealed from the entrance. An attendant with baby blue hair and a wide-eyed smile helped her from her seat.

"Did you enjoy the ride?" the attendant asked her in a childlike voice.

Usagi smiled as she stepped onto the dock, Mamoru splashing up angrily behind her. "I sure did."

* * *

Long after the sun had set, long after the last patrons of the circus had left, long after the carnies had finished their duties for the day, an old woman in scowling, purple robes stood amidst the darkness of the abandoned big top. Long protuberances extending from the bulb-like turban she wore and on either side of her mouth gave her the appearances of a shriveled catfish, while the curved staff she grasped in her gnarled fist was topped by a flaming, flying eyeball, perched atop its shaft like a grotesque jewel.

A single tent flap was drawn open, letting a sliver of the night's dusky light in.

"Girlies!" she called, and four figures melted from the darkness before her.

"We hear you, Granny," Ves-Ves said, speaking for her sisters.

The eyeball rose from the old woman's staff and flitted about the four girls, who ignored it.

"Tell this old Zirconia," the old woman said as the flying eye returned to its perch, "how our plans were furthered this day."

Cere-Cere stepped forward, a grin on her face. "I'm pleased to tell you, Granny, that today was Dark Moon Circus's most efficacious day yet. Ves-Ves and Jun-Jun successfully oversaw the implementation of the big top acts, the Lemures acting under their capable direction."

Jun-Jun sniggered. "That's right. We managed to do the most shows yet today, and Ves-Ves really got the Lemures pumped up. Those lil buggers got up in everyone's business. I'm sure all the morons who came to the show are enjoying their lovely nightmares and unknowingly spreading our darkness as we speak."

Zirconia smiled. "Excellent, excellent."

"As for Palla-Palla and myself," Cere-Cere said, "we tested out a brand-new ride today: The Tunnel of Love."

Palla-Palla giggled, clapping her hands. "Palla-Palla had so much fun today!"

"As did I, sister." Cere-Cere continued, "Palla-Palla's Orb Contraire was utilized to create the structure of the Tunnel of Love itself, meaning every last stone, every drop of water, every fake petal on every fake flower _is_ the orb. I lured couples to the tunnel with the promise of a romantic escape, only to have the ride change their affection to animosity, desire to disgust, = love to loathing."

"How intriguing," Zirconia said. "And? Was it a success?"

"Out of the approximately 400 couples who rode our love boat, 23% exited the ride in total silence, 18% exited making passive-aggressive remarks to one another, 57% exited openly fighting, and 2% exited separately."

Zirconia furrowed her brows. "Exited separately? How did they manage to exit a boat ride separately?"

"By whoosh!" Palla-Palla said, shoving her arms in front of her. "Getting pushed in!"

"That's right," Cere-Cere said. "Eight extra-lucky couples that started the ride deeply in love had their feelings alter so significantly in just five minutes that one partner was willing to throw the other overboard rather than finish the ride together.

"And that's not all," she continued. "All of the couples' feelings will continue to deteriorate, so long as the Orb Contraire is active. And, since the ride _is_ the orb, nothing short of complete destruction of every speck of dust and drop of water in the entire structure would stop it. All the same, we decided it was in our best interest to leave back-up there, just in case."

"Naturally."

"Since our trial run was so successful, we plan to ramp up the marketing immediately. We hope to get as many as 1,000 couples to ride it each and every day."

"Oh-ho, very good indeed," Zirconia said. "Keep up the good work, girlies, and we will spread darkness and nightmares across this land in no time at all! Now get some rest. You have much work to do tomorrow."

The four sisters smiled as they melted back into the tent's darkness, knowing that the hard work they had ahead of them was all play.

* * *

"Detention again?" Rei asked as she stood beside her friends' booth at Crown, noticing Usagi's conspicuous absence.

"This was the third day in a row she was late to school," Minako explained. "She's in for an hour this time."

Rei slid into the booth, taking the empty spot next to Ami. "Well, that's what happens when you rely on your boyfriend to get you to school on time every morning then stop talking to him for seemingly no reason."

Ami shook her head. "I just can't understand it. One minute everything is fine and the next they can't even be in the same room without fighting. And what's more, neither of them can give me any sort of explanation as to exactly _why_ they started fighting. It's been _five days_ and if anything, it's getting worse!"

"But otherwise Usagi seems fine, right? And Mamoru?" Rei asked.

"That's right . . . as far as I can tell, anyway. I stopped by Mamoru's last night to check on him and he was perfectly pleasant to me—until I brought up Usagi, that is," Ami said. "Then he got upset and asked me to leave so he could study."

"Naru told me they were totally normal when she and Umino went on the Ferris wheel with them," Minako said. "Then again, she and Umino were fighting all lunch so . . ."

"Really? Naru and Umino?" Rei asked. "They always seemed so sweet together."

"Not lately," Makoto said. "I think she and Usagi are going to co-found an All Men Suck Club soon."

Rei shrugged. "Can't really blame them there . . ."

"Hey Rei! Nice to see you!" Unazuki said, dropping off drinks and Minako's order of fries. "Can I get you anything?"

"Just a pomegranate so—"

"Hey, Unazuki, what gives?" Minako interrupted. "These fries aren't cooked!"

"What? No way, let me see . . ." Unazuki said, grabbing the plate back from Minako. Sure enough, they were still frozen solid. Unazuki sighed, shaking her head. "I'm so sorry, Minako. Motoki has been screwing up food all day." She leaned toward them, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "He's super pissy cuz Reika broke up with him last night."

"What?!" Minako screeched, then lowered her voice after noticing her friends' chastising looks. "How? What happened?"

"Honestly, I'm not really sure. They just suddenly started fighting, then last night she told him she needed a break," she said, rolling her eyes, "whatever that means."

Ami closed her book with a loud snap. "Unazuki, do you happen to know if they visited the Dead Moon Circus in the last few days?"

"Yeah, actually, they went after his shift on Monday. She stopped by here so they could go together."

"And they started fighting sometime after that?"

Unazuki pursed her lips as she thought. "Uh, yeah, I guess they did. They both seemed quite happy when I saw them on Monday."

"Hmm. Interesting," Ami said, sitting back in her seat.

"I'll get you some new fries right away, Minako," Unazuki said. "And your pom soda, Rei," she added with a wink, her ponytail bobbing merrily as she turned and left.

Minako leaned across the table toward Ami. "So what's going on? You have an idea?"

"It just can't possibly be a coincidence," Ami said. "Usagi and Mamoru, Naru and Umino, Motoki and Reika—all were solid, loving couples before going to the Dead Moon Circus, but are now on the rocks. And they aren't the only ones, either."

"That's right," Rei said, "I've noticed it, too! On my way over here I had to dodge multiple fighting couples."

"Me too, at the grocery store last night!" Makoto added. "It was ridiculous!"

"We have to talk to Luna and Artemis," Ami said, "and try to get as much info as we can about these couples."

"I'll try talking with Usagi, Motoki, Naru," Minako said. "Maybe we can cross-reference what everyone did and try to find a pattern."

Ami nodded. "Good thinking. Mako, do you think you could try to talk to Mamoru? See if you can pry more information out of him about what happened Saturday?"

"Of course. I'm guessing some nice chocolate might loosen him up."

"I'll check the fire," Rei said. "See if I can find anything there."

"After I talk to Luna and Artemis I'll start scanning the circus," Ami said, tapping the Mercury computer nestled in her purse.

Minako smiled, determination shining in her eyes as she stood, fist raised high. "Ladies, let's do this—"

"Here you are, Minako!" Unazuki said as she placed a plate of perfectly cooked fries on the table.

Minako plopped back down in her seat. "—as soon as I'm done with my fries!"

* * *

"Come _on_ Sailor Moon, pick up the pace, will you?" Sailor Mars said, tapping her foot impatiently as Sailor Moon once again lagged behind the rest of the group.

After rendezvousing at the command center earlier in the evening and comparing data, the senshi had agreed to meet at the Dead Moon Circus long after closing time in order to fully investigate what Mercury had pinpointed as the most likely source of the fighting: the Tunnel of Love.

"But I already _told_ you guys," Sailor Moon pouted, dragging her feet as she caught up, "I don't even _want_ to get back together with that jerk."

Sailor Venus scoffed. "You two love each other so much you've literally died for each other! Multiple times!"

"I know!" Sailor Moon said. "And I'm sick of it!"

Jupiter wrapped a comforting arm around Sailor Moon's shoulders. "But this isn't just about you two—think about all the other couples this affects. Think about Motoki and Reika. Think about Naru and Umino! Don't they deserve to be happy again?"

Sailor Moon's shoulders sagged as she sighed. "Yeah, I suppose."

"Look! Isn't that it there?" Venus said, pointing to the mountainous structure looming ahead of them in the darkness. "The Tunnel of Love!"

"Can you see anything suspicious, Mercury?" Luna asked from her perch on Mercury's shoulder.

"I'm picking up some unusual readings," Mercury said as she scanned the ride with her visor and computer. "There's definitely suspicious energy coming from—"

She broke off as first one, then another, then another of the rides surrounding them came to life, carnival music blaring as they whirled and spun, lighting up the previously pitch-black amusement park.

The senshi gasped in shock, immediately forming a tight circle as Mercury continued taking readings.

"What's that?" Sailor Moon asked, pointing to a wooden stage near the Tunnel of Love's entrance. Large, brightly painted banners displayed at the back of the stage depicted a variety of strange scenes—a man hammering a nail into his nose, a woman reclining on a bed of nails, a man with an enormous beard made entirely of bees. "That definitely wasn't there before."

"Sailor Senshi, step right this way!" a disembodied voice boomed as a spotlight suddenly lit the center of the stage. "Prepare to be amazed! Hurry, hurry, hurry to be the first to see the Dead Moon Circus's stupefying, death-defying sideshow!"

The senshi turned toward the stage, approaching it cautiously.

"Look!" the voice said as a woman in an electric green corset and high heels carrying a torch stepped onto the stage. "See Pyromorphite, the hottest fire breather this side of Vesuvius, spit flames farther than any flame thrower!"

Pyromorphite stepped forward to the edge of the stage and brought the torch near her smirking mouth, then started to blow, creating a dragon-like torrent of fire that arced 50 feet into the air.

"Gaze upon Serpentinite and Gilbert Glide," the voice continued as a tall, slender woman, dressed in a slate gray snake print bodysuit and draped with an enormous yellow python, strutted onto the stage, "our enchanting snake charmer and serpent servant. Marvel as her ruthless reptile obeys her every command!"

As Serpentinite slinked forward, soft hissing sounds emanated from her mouth, causing Gilbert to look at her attentively. Once she got to the front of the stage, the snake coiled itself around her arm, then stuck toward the senshi, its red eyes aglow, its mouth open menacingly as it hissed.

"Marvel at Hardystonite," the voice announced as a mountain of a man in a fluorescent blue and white striped singlet lumbered onto the stage carrying a steel rod as thick as Serpentinite's snake, "the stupendous strongman capable of lifting a 200 kg barbell with just one pinky!"

Hardystonite strode to the front of the stage in two mighty steps, then, with a twitch of his handlebar mustache, took the rod with both hands and bent it into a loop as easily as if it were made of rubber.

"Ooooh!" Sailor Moon said, clapping as Hardystonite dropped the bent rod onto the stage, sending it crashing through the wood planks.

"Yes, Sailor Senshi, these three marvels are here tonight to perform just for you! Think you're cool enough to contain Pyromorphite's flaming breath? Think you can outcharm Serpentinite and avoid her serpent's deadly kiss? Think you're strong enough to overpower Hardystonite? You'll find out next, when they dazzle you with their skills!"

Pure chaos erupted at the Dead Moon Circus as the sideshow took on the senshi. There was little time to think, only to act, as Jupiter attempted to slow Hardystonite's rampage, Venus met snake with chain, and Mars fought fire with fire, while Mercury analyzed the battle, looking for weaknesses. Moon, meanwhile, merely tried to stay alive, dodging the arcing flames, lightning-fast snakebites, and massive objects falling pell-mell around her.

"Sailor Moon!" Mercury called to her amidst the chaos. "They're all Lemures! You have to defeat them with your Moon Kaleidoscope!"

They were forced apart as the entire sideshow stage came hurling at them, resuming their conversation behind a nearby bench.

"But I can't hit them if they don't stand still!" Sailor Moon said.

Mercury put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, Sailor Moon. We'll tire them out for you." She smiled, then turned to enter the fray.

"Don't hurt Gilbert the snake!" she called to Mercury, who gave her a thumbs up before joining Mars's side in her fight with Pyromorphite.

Sailor Moon peeked from her hiding spot just in time to see one of the swan boats from the Tunnel of Love coming straight for her; she dodged, leaping out of the way, but landed badly and had the wind knocked from her. Her eyes widened as she saw a yellow flash coming straight for her, fangs blazing; she put up her arm to try to deflect Gilbert's deadly bite, but just before his fangs could hit, she was flying through the air in Tuxedo Mask's arms, the melee suddenly a blur below her.

As soon as they landed she was twisting from his grasp. "Put me down!" she screeched. "Don't touch me!"

"As you wish," he said, dropping her without ceremony onto the cement.

"Owww! You jerk!" she said, reaching out to punch his leg, but he quickly jumped out of the way.

"Stay here," he told her, then went to join the fight, where Mercury and Mars had managed to subdue Pyromorphite, but Serpentinite and Hardystonite were still very much wreaking havoc.

Sailor Moon punched her hand in frustration. _Stupid Tuxedo Mask . . ._ she thought as she watched him throw his dumb roses around. _I'll show him!_

Getting up, she straightened her skirt, then stomped across the battlefield, past her bruised and singed senshi, to where Pyromorphite lay dazed and drenched in a puddle of water.

"Moon Gorgeous Meditation!" she cried out, shooting a beam of shining mirror shards at the semiconscious Lemure and blasting her back into the darkness she came from.

Nodding approvingly at her work, Sailor Moon next turned her attention on Hardystonite, who had managed to obtain one of the bumper cars and was waving it menacingly in the air at Mars and Jupiter.

"Out of the way!" Sailor Moon cried, then as her senshi hurried to the sides, "Moon Gorgeous Meditation!"

Hardystonite hurled the bumper car toward her but Jupiter blasted it out of the way, leaving the path clear for her to hit the strongman with her cleansing power. Then, Hardystonite, too, was sent back to the darkness in a beam of mirror shards.

She turned to the final Lemure, still battling on, just in time to see Tuxedo Mask hurl a rose, hitting Gilbert Glide straight between the eyes as it attempted to strangle Mercury. Sailor Moon and Serpentinite both screamed as the reptile fell writhing in agony to the ground.

"Moon Gorgeous Meditation!" Sailor Moon cried for a third time, vanishing Serpentinite and her pet to the darkness with their sideshow brethren.

"Great job, Sailor Moon!" Jupiter said, but Sailor Moon wasn't listening as she stomped her way over to Tuxedo Mask, Moon Kaleidoscope still clutched in her grasp.

"I can't _believe_ you!" she said, shoving the tip of the kaleidoscope in his face. "You . . . you . . . pet killer!"

"Pet killer?!" Tuxedo Mask said. "It was a Lemure, Sailor Moon!"

"But you didn't have to hurt Gilbert like that!"

Mercury stood on shaking legs and approached the fighting couple. "I'm sorry about Gilbert, Sailor Moon, but he _was_ trying to kill all of us . . ."

"Did you forget," Tuxedo Mask added, pushing the Moon Kaleidoscope out of his face, "that the snake would have killed you too if I hadn't saved your clumsy butt?"

"Oh _thank you_ , Tuxedo Mask. Thank you for saving me, even though I might get sugar all over your precious tuxedo."

The senshi gathered behind them, looking nervously at each other.

"Hey," Mars said, tapping Sailor Moon's shoulder, "cut it out already! We still have to figure out what to do about the Tunnel of Love!"

"You should just blow that tacky ride the smithereens," Tuxedo Mask said.

"No!" Sailor Moon shrieked. "It's too beautiful! _You_ were just too lame to appreciate it!"

Mercury shook her head. "Just leave them, Mars," she said. "We can figure this out on our own."

Rolling her eyes, Mars left the couple to their fight and followed the others to the Tunnel of Love, the neon hearts of its marquee steadily shining in the battle's aftermath. The tunnel itself had taken a few hits; several swan boats were lying scattered nearby and a large chunk of the tunnel had been torn off and used as a projectile, but the bright blue water was still flowing, and the surviving swans were still floating merrily through the tunnel's heart-shaped doors.

Approaching the entrance, Mercury got her computer out and started running the data.

Over the sounds of Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask's arguing, the faint sound of a song could be heard.

"Is that . . . Celine Dion?" Venus asked, cocking her head.

"Mercury," Luna said after a few moments, "do you have any idea what's going on here?"

"It's difficult to tell," she said. "But there seems to be a steady flow of negative energy emanating from the entire ride. As you can see, it has already sustained damage, yet . . ."

They all turned to look at Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Moon.

"All I'm saying," Sailor Moon was saying, "is there's no way you need to spread your legs that wide!"

"It's _physiological!"_ he yelled. "And really?" he added, turning to the senshi for a moment. "Testicles, Venus? I know that was you!"

They all looked at Venus, who shrugged.

"Right," Jupiter said as Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask continued their fight. "So, no change there."

"So . . . do we try destroying it some more?" Mars suggested.

"To be honest, I'm not sure what other option we have," Mercury said, shutting her computer with a snap.

The four senshi nodded at each other, then set about their work—burning, freezing, and blasting the enormous structure with every ounce of their power. Tunnels collapsed, water splashed and evaporated, mechanical cows flew, but none of it seemed to do any good as the fighting continued.

Regrouping amidst the rubble, the four exhausted girls looked helplessly at each other.

"I just don't know what to do!" Mercury said, frustrated at her own impotence. "How do we get all of these people to stop hating each other and fall back in love?"

Artemis perked up at these words. "'Fall back in love . . .'" he repeated. "That's it!"

"What's it?" Luna asked.

"I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner." He laughed, then jumped to perch on Venus's shoulder. "Do you remember when your esteemed mother used to bless the masses with Venusian magic in the old days?"

"You mean like for mass weddings and fertility ceremonies?" Venus asked. "Stuff like that?"

"Precisely! She utilized the power of Venus to help bring and bind loved ones together."

"Counteracting magic with magic . . ." Mars said. "Do you think it could work, Mercury?"

Her computer was already out, her fingers flying across the keys as she input the data. "Yes, I think it could!"

"Is it possible to just heal the people affected by this . . . whatever?" Jupiter said, scrunching her nose at the ride's wreckage. "And not make a bunch of randos fall in love?"

Venus nodded. "Totally!" she said, getting out her crescent moon-shaped compact and waving it around. "I used to heal attack victims in my Sailor V days, after all!"

"I say it's worth a shot, Venus," Luna said.

"I agree," Mercury said. "According to my calculations, a blast of Venusian love dust could both neutralize the ride's effects and reconcile the estranged couples."

"Right!" Venus said. "One love potion coming up!" She closed her eyes in concentration, then held her compact aloft, the faint light of the moon reflecting off of its crescent mirrors. "Venus Crescent Ardent Amour Shower!"

A burst of brilliant light filled the night sky, then shining golden specs fell like illuminated glitter, settling on the city like a blanket of love.

"Oh that felt nice," Jupiter said with a grin.

"But did it work?" Mars asked.

Once again they turned to look at their prince and princess.

"For the last time," Tuxedo Mask was telling her, "I did not base my costume off of Dracula's!"

"But your . . . your stupid pendant . . ." Sailor Moon said, her voice fading to silence.

The senshi watched as their looks of anger were replaced with confusion.

"Usa . . ." Tuxedo Mask said, reaching out to run a finger along her cheek.

She reached up, cradling his hand in her own.

"I'm . . . I'm sorry, Usa," he said. "I'm sorry that I said you were sticky, told you Disney was a lie, and purposefully dropped you on the cement."

Sailor Moon nodded. "I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry for making fun of your pants, for pushing you into the river, and for signing you up for all of those political mailing lists."

"Oh, thank god," Sailor Mars said. "It actually worked!"

"As if there was any doubt!" Sailor Venus said, beaming as Jupiter patted her on the back.

"I love you, Usa," Tuxedo Mask said, drawing her into an embrace.

She gazed lovingly into his eyes. "I love you, too. Let's never fight again!"

He nodded, then their lips connected in a tender kiss of affirmation.

"I never thought I would actually be happy to see them kiss," Sailor Mars said.

Jupiter smiled. "They're so sweet."

As they watched the reconciled couple, one kiss turned into two, which quickly turned more heated.

Mercury looked away from their increasingly passionate embrace, blushing as Mars raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah . . ." Jupiter said as their roaming hands grasped at each other, "this isn't sweet anymore."

Soon their breaths were coming in gasps and moans, tongues and hands wrestling for dominance as their desire grew.

Mars put a hand over her eyes to shield herself from the sight in front of her. "Venus! What did you do?!"

"I uh . . ." Venus scrunched her nose as she looked at her compact. "I must have added a little too much eros or something . . ."

"Well I'm not going to stick around and watch this," Mars said, waving toward the couple, who were now grinding up against the ticket booth. "I'll see you all tomorrow."

"Are they gonna be OK?" Jupiter asked.

"They seem to be . . . fine," Mercury said with a blush, shutting her computer. "I think it's safe to let them . . . do their thing . . ."

"Hold on," Venus said, then rushed over to the writhing couple and, managing to get their attention, handed Tuxedo Mask a box of condoms. "Be safe, kids!"

"Too much eros, honestly . . ." Mars said as Venus rejoined them.

"It was my mom's recipe! I didn't know it would be that strong!"

"Whatever, let's get out of here."

"Think it had this effect on the other couples?" Jupiter asked Mercury.

Mercury sighed. "I guess we'll find out soon enough . . ."

* * *

 _Nine Months Later_

One lone senshi sat amidst the ecstatic politicians on the stage, smiling bashfully at the journalists packing the press conference. After all, it wasn't often that the Governor of Tokyo handed out special commendations personally, and for such a highly publicized reason . . .

A woman in a conservative business suit stood at the podium. She waved to Venus, calling her to the front of the stage amidst raucous applause. "Sailor Venus," Tokyo's governor said, "for directly contributing to an unprecedented spike in Tokyo's birth rate, we present to you this plaque for special services to Japan."

Venus smiled as the governor handed her the plaque, pausing at just the right time to allow the press to get their pictures.

"Thank you," Venus said, accepting the plaque. "I'm very honored. What better award for the Goddess of Love to receive? And uh . . . I hope there are no hard feelings over all the arrests for indecent expos—"

"Of _course_ not! They've all been pardoned," the governor said, waving her hand. "And the government of Japan is fully supportive any . . . endeavors you choose to undertake in the future." The governor beamed at her, the politicians behind her shouting their support.

"Yeah . . . maybe . . ." Venus chuckled uncomfortably, knowing that, as long as a certain pyro was still alive, her love dust days were over.

* * *

Thank you so much to Antigone2, FloraOne, and UglyGreenJacket for including me in this challenge, for their feedback, their support, and their patience.

NOTE: No fictional teenagers became parents in the course of this fic. Be safe, kids!


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